Less than two Weeks Left....

Less than two weeks from now I'll be in a plane somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean headed back to the States. My year in South Africa has nearly come to a close. It has both gone fast, and yet arriving in Johannesburg, South Africa a year ago seems like another lifetime.

I feel mixed about leaving. I like it here a lot and I will miss it. Just in the last few months has it felt that I really live here. I love being near the ocean, seeing it from my window, I love being so close to a gorgeous mountain like Table Mountain. I love that its nearly summer now and its warm, the sun is shining, the flowers are in bloom, and birds are singing at 5am. I love the people we have met.

This year has been a lot of learning for both Jared and I. We have learned a lot about ourselves, each other and about how people work. I have learned that sometimes its best to just leave a bad situation (like the one we arrived into here) and other times to just accept, stay grounded in myself and have my own boundaries. To let people do what they do even if I don't think its useful or even if its self-destructive. They have their own path and they have to decide for themselves. I have learned to be as unattached as I can from wanting a certain outcome. To love people, provide what help and support I can, to not blame myself when they still do the same self-destructive patterns, and to be there for them when they come back.

This has been one of the biggest lessons and challenges of working with street youth and former street youth. I can't save them. I knew I couldn't. But I think part of me tried and still keeps trying. They are beautiful people with incredible talent, some with great passion but they still have to choose for themselves to make a different life. I can't make that choice for them.

There was one youth in particular I feel sad about. Perhaps its because he is the same age as me, and also that he suffers from depression, something I had for many many years. He is an amazing artist, such beautiful talent. He grew up on the streets, his mom lived on the streets. He's been in and out of prison, once for murder. He has gang tattoos on his body and has trouble sleeping at night because of what he experienced in prison. Lately he has been tormented by so many of his friends and family (including his mom) that still sleep on the streets. He had a temporary job lined up for him, someone willing to give him a second chance after he screwed up last time. A job that may have been a foot into something longer term. But he didn't bother showing up for it. Then he started sleeping on the streets again as some kind of test for himself. Then he stole from the project...

He has so much potential, but he has to make the choice. He has to make the choice over and over again. He has to make the choice to stay focused on what he wants in his life. To choose to get the support he needs, to surround himself with people who care and who will guide him. But he isn't making that choice at the moment, instead his is choosing to fall back on old behaviors and patterns. At any time though he can make a different choice and have a different life. But I recently heard that he has told everyone to fuck off that he wants to die on the streets....


It's taken Jared and I awhile to get ourselves established here, to feel like we really live here with friends. Now that we have that, its hard to leave it. Our plan is to apply for funding to come back next year and continue our work with street youth. To also work with other organizations and other at-risk youth, and to try working with younger kids before they make those critical decisions to use drugs, commit crime.

I've been trying to focus on the positive things about going back to Oregon since that is where I am headed. Of course seeing my family and friends and our spiritual teacher. Also food related stuff: soy lattes, gluten free flours and baked goods, kombucha, tempeh...And the forest...

I am going to miss South Africa and Cape Town a lot, and I hope to be coming back soon.