Zimbabwe Refugee

A few weeks ago I first met a Zimbabwe refugee living on the streets of Cape Town. He seemed a gentle guy who was so shut down emotionally his eyes were nearly blank. He had arrived in Cape Town a month earlier from Johannesburg and has been living on the streets mostly near Sea Point. One night he was beat up and all his stuff was stolen including his Zimbabwe ID. He felt pretty hopeless about his future.

Growing up in Zimbabwe his parents were gold panners, his Dad died when he was 8, his mom left two years later and so he stayed in an orphanage in the village. He went to school but there was abuse (physically and I think sexually) from his sponsors. When the economic crisis hit Zim he couldn't afford to keep going to school once they started charging fees in foreign currency. He worked odd jobs when he could get them and eventually met a South African who told him to go to South Africa where he could easily get a job and make a life for himself (this isn't true though, unemployment is quite high in South Africa). He tried to apply for a passport but it cost $600. That is A LOT of money, which he couldn't afford.

Meeting a trucker in Zimbabwe he smuggled himself across the border by hiding in the sleeping quarters of the truck and crossing the boarder at night. He didn't like Johannesburg so his friend paid his train ticket to Cape Town.

Like nearly everyone I've met who've been on the streets here, he has a lot of anger about his past, he dwells on questions like: why didn't his extended family help him finish school? Why did his dad die when he was so young? Why did his mother leave him? When his sponsor died, why didn't the sponsor's family help him?

He is willing to do any kind of work and has dreams of having his own place and a family. He is currently trying to get papers from the Department of Home Affairs so he can be in the country legally.

He has some hope for the future now and his eyes are beginning to have a glint in them; he'll even cracks some jokes. He isn't on the street anymore and has a support network through the various organizations that work with street people and refugees.

Wonderful weekend and African Hospitality

Jared and I just had the most lovely weekend away. A hiking group we joined went to the Kogelberg Nature Reserve in the southern cape, which is a world heritage site. We stayed in these cabins, simple but quite comfortable surrounded by immense beauty. Mountains, a river, a valley, small patches of forest tucked into kloofs (steep ravines)....it was gorgeous.

The hiking group is geared toward people interested in spirituality and intuition so the people who come are interested in things like yoga, healing modalities, etc.

I had such a lovely time I didn't want to come back.

In our cabin of 6 we were staying with a group of 4 friends who have known each other for years. One was an American who has been in South Africa for 30 years but somehow still maintained her American accent, then there was an Afrikaans woman and a couple who are both hairdressers who I think were both English-speaking as their first language. They were pretty funny.

I have met Afrikaans people who were very hospitable to me, but who were also very racist. This woman was so great, she was one of those progressive Afrikaaners who I haven't met very many of. She teaches yoga and is very passionate about it and is also quite good at it. She gave Jared and I a ride home and we stopped at this lovely hidden beach to watch the sun set with some others from the trip. Since it was getting late, she took us home with her to this lovely house built by an architect who loved Tuscan style houses.

We took her yoga class in the morning and played with her 1 year old grandson. Its a bit of a story of this little boy. His mother was 21 and had broken up with her boyfriend but they were still seeing each other and she became pregnant. The ex was riding his motorcycle to see her and got in an accident and became paralyzed and was in a coma for several months. She didn't know she was pregnant for months and being traumatized tried to comfort herself with alcohol. The father was 22 and hasn't coped well with being paralyzed and has become quite nasty. The little boy doesn't like to be with his father very much, but they are trying to work it out. Both the mother and her little son stay with the woman who gave us a ride and she is looking after them. The boy's mother is still in school training to be a teacher.

After the little kid got used to us, he liked us. Despite what he has experienced emotionally, he is a sweet, intelligent kid.

It was such a great weekend in a wonderfully beautiful place and with wonderful people.

Vegan Gluten-Free Cornmeal Banana Muffins!

I made vegan gluten-free cornmeal banana muffins last night. Yum yum! I used a recipe from Karina's Kitchen http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/2009/07/blueberry-corn-muffins.html and substituted the bananas for blueberries.

They turned out fantastic! Easy to make too. I even controlled myself and waited at least 5 minutes before shoving one into my mouth. I'm usually so eager to eat baked goods I don't wait for them to cool down at all before eating one. But this time, I actually followed the instructions and waited 5 minutes for them to cool in the pain before taking them out of the pan. Then I ate one. Mmmmm...warm baked goodness. I even ate it slowly to make sure I savored the taste.

I really love baking and cooking. Before the muffins I made a soup with sweet potatoes. Its from an East African cookbook I have, and I added some beans I had cooked earlier in the day. It was a great combination of flavor... sweetness from the potatoes and tomatoes with the spice of cardamon, cumin and coriander. And a slight coloring from the turmeric. Mmmm..... yum yum!!

Hope and Spirit

There was something I didn't mention in my last post about working with women in the township and street kids. Its so important too! There is such a strong spirit in people here. In both the women and in the kids who have experienced a lot of hardship they have hope. Hope that not only things will get better, but hope in their situation. The people we have worked with are also easy to smile. Its very refreshing.

Volunteering in a township and with street kids

Jared and I have been volunteering with two projects for awhile now, Work for Love and MyLife. Work for Love operates in a township outside Cape Town called Masiphlumelele and offers a wellness healing clinic each week. The clinic offers massage, homeopathy, tarot card readings, shiatsu and energy work and hypnosis. It's free of charge and mostly used by women in the township. Jared and I have been doing mini-sessions with them doing energy work and hypnosis with coaching. Jared has a background in counseling and therapy which has helped out a lot as the women have told us all about their problems and asked advice. There are social workers available to these women, but I don't know to what extent to how easily they are to get to.

One young woman came to us a few weeks ago and she has a young son. She came to Cape Town on her own, her family is all in the Eastern Cape in a rural area and so she doesn't have support in how to raise a child. The consequence has been that she doesn't know what to do with her son who is acting out since his father left and isn't interested in being a part of his life (a very common thing here). Her son hits her and screams and beats up other kids. Out of frustration she then beats her son (also a common thing). But if she learned some parenting skills and how to deal with her son's anger it would be a lot easier on both her and her son. Being away from her family though, she doesn't appear to have that support though.

Most of the women worry a lot. Some have a hard time sleeping at night due to worry. They worry about being unemployed, their partners being unemployed, bills, getting enough food to eat. So we help them ground and connect to themselves more and give them some suggestions in dealing with their worry through energy work and hypnosis.

Another project we've been involved with is with street kids in town through MyLife. They are mostly 18+. We have been doing healing with some of them to help deal with past trauma, and man do these kids have a lot of trauma. Some grew up orphans on the streets, addicted to tic (meth), mandrax or alcohol, have been in gangs, killed or raped people, been in and out of jail for theft, murder, attempted murder, been abused themselves and had violence directed at them. They have a lot of regret, guilt, shame, anger, and sadness. They also have a lot of potential. This project has helped several former street kids become chefs, sommeliers, and get jobs in the film industry among others. Their vision is to build an eco-village where street kids go to be rehabilitated and trained in life skills and as leaders.

Working with these kids and adults has been really great. Not having had a lot of different therapies they are more open to what we have to offer. They are also very eager to move on in their lives and this makes a big difference.

What has been amazing working in the township and with the street kids is to see that no matter what someone's past has been, or what their cultural upbringing is, is that they struggle with the same issues that privileged people both from South Africa and the western world struggle with (in our experience). It's all the same. It seems that everyone has the same issues no matter where they have been. Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are and to live a purposeful life. And everyone struggles with guilt, shame, rage and sadness from their past.

We are so blessed to be in South Africa at this pivotal turning point in its history. This country has such potential and is attracting people from around the world to help in the shift. How cool to be a part of it.

Don't Eat the Cake

I've been vegan for 10 years and gluten-free for 3 or 4 months. I realized that gluten and wheat was causing me to feel very tired and bloated. Not good to look preggers and not good to have so much inflammation in the body. I've felt really good being off gluten (we can eat oats though), but I miss baked goods. I love baked goods. One summer I worked in Moscow, Idaho in the USA and they have a fantastic co-op there with a great baked goods section. That summer I spent a lot of my wages on baked goods and gained weight even though I was walking in the woods every day. I love those crusty breads with the soft middles, flaky scones, warm muffins, cookies and cake. Ahh I love cake. I have found a recipe for gluten-free cake that is pretty good. When I made it for Jared's birthday and ate massive amounts of cake in the following days I didn't gain any weight and my stomach didn't distend as it usually does after baked goods. Ah ha! This is pretty good I thought... I can eat a lot of cake and not show for it!

Several days ago on Sunday I went hiking with a group of people and afterwards we went to a coffee shop that has a Sunday special of tea and cake for R20. A very good deal. The coffee/tea is usually R10 and cake can range from R15-25. These were decadent cakes too, “American” style cheesecake, black forest, chocolate mouse... I wasn't even tempted because they weren't vegan and I don't like the taste of cream, eggs, or milk anymore. It's more than an ethical thing, I really don't like the taste. But I said to myself, if these cakes were vegan, even if they have wheat I would totally eat them.

If it were only that easy to manifest everything like this. Two days later, we went to a great Indian restaurant in Rondebosch, Cape Town and there were two vegan cakes. We've been to this place before, a simple no-frills cafe that does a lot of take-aways. Its all vegetarian and the lady told us today she is moving more and more toward vegan (Great!). After questioning her several times about the cake to make sure it was really vegan we got some.

That night we sat at home, having eaten the cake and drank some tea and waited to see what would happen. We were so tired anyway from a long day its was hard to say. We both felt a bit fuzzy in the head..but knew if we got bloated that would be pretty definitive.

The next morning my excema flared up. I've long heard that wheat exacerbates excema. Itchy itchy scratchy scratchy. A few days later and I'm still trying to calm it down. After I went to bed that night Jared said he could definitely feel the effects of the wheat. In the following days we both felt bloated and Jared felt tired.

Was the cake worth it? It wasn't as good as Sweet Pea Bakery in Portland, or A Piece of Cake in Sellwood, Portland (my favorite!), or that bakery in Eugene that has great vegan cakes, but it was good... at the time. The fallout though just isn't worth it. It's not good to eat something my body reacts so strongly to.

Rape in South Africa

South Africa has a high rate of rape. This article from the BBC is a good explanation of one of the reasons why.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8115219.stm
25 June 2009

South African rapist: 'Forgive me'

Dumisani Rebombo says peer pressure led him to rape

Dumisani Rebombo and his friend raped a young girl in their village in South Africa when they were teenagers.

Years later, he returned to the same village to find the woman he attacked and begged for her forgiveness.

Mr Rebombo, 49, is one of thousands of men in South Africa who admit to having carried out a sexual assault - one in four, according to a recent survey.

He told BBC News why he feels so many young men in his homeland engage in the ill-treatment of women.

---

When I was 15 years old, I took part in a gang rape.

Before the incident, I was constantly jeered for not being man enough.

At the time I was not ready to have a girlfriend when all my friends did.

I did not tend the cattle or sheep, nor did I attend the initiation school [where South African teenagers are circumcised in traditional rites of passage].

This fuelled my daily jeers.

My friends sang and clapped as if we had done something right Dumisani Rebombo South African rape survey shock

A friend and my cousin pressured me to prove that I was man enough, by taking part in the rape of a teenage girl in the village.

This was termed "straightening her up", since she did not want to go out with any of the local boys.

I succumbed to this daily pressure and on the day of the incident, when they saw me trembling with fear, they ordered me to take marijuana and beer to defeat my fears.

I did just that and the two of us [my friend and I] proceeded to rape the girl.

Guilty and scared

Afterwards, I was terrified.

I felt guilty but also scared that the news could reach my mother who had a high standing in the community.

The following day, when we went for our soccer practice, this incident was reported to all the other football players.

Dumisani Rebombo said he was prepared to face jail

On hearing the news, they sang and clapped as if we had done something right.

This helped to stop the jeering somewhat and I was allowed to associate with the other boys.

I still felt guilty, at least partially so, especially when I saw the girl in the village. Sometimes I tried to avoid meeting her.

But slowly, over time, I began to think less and less about the incident.

I left my village in Limpopo Province and went to live in the city and joined a religious group from which I learned a lot about love and respect for all.

Strangely, I did not think much of the incident - I just went on with my life.

I started work with an NGO (non-governmental organisation) where I mostly worked with unemployed mothers.

Every Monday morning, the women reported incidents of abuse in different forms.

Every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident Dumisani Rebombo

As they did this, I could not help it but give way to introspection.

It was as if every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident.

I then asked my employers to train us in a methodology which would target boys and men.

They did this and very soon, I felt challenged, self-consciously, to set an example to the men I was teaching.

Seeking forgiveness

I took a decision to go back to find the woman I raped.

I realised that the woman needed justice.

But also, I wanted to ask for forgiveness, now that I understood the effects and consequences for someone who has been raped.

South Africa's government has been urged to solve the rape epidemic

I went to my pastor about this. His response was: "You are saved now, you were once in the mud, but now you know the truth and you are therefore OK."

He also asked me if I was ready to go to jail. He said: "What if the woman went to the authorities?"

My answer was: "If I go to jail, that would be justice for that woman."

I therefore took the journey to the north.

I wanted her to know that I felt bad about what I had done to her, that I was a changed man and I was working with other men to prevent rape.

When we met, she showed a wry smile on her face.

Since we were at a public clinic, she thought I was a doctor or someone from the Ministry of Health.

I related my story to her. She looked at me and revealed that she had since been raped on two other occasions.

She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her Dumisani Rebombo

She started crying. She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her.

She told me that her life was never the same emotionally following these incidents.

Worse still, she was not ready to tell her husband of what had happened.

Finally, she said that she forgave me, and thought that I had meant well with all that I had said.

I left that room with a new burden - to do something about rape in my community and my country.

Machismo feelings

If you asked me: "What motivates so many men in South Africa to engage in un-consensual sex?" I would say that it is the machismo feelings and beliefs, coupled with patriarchal processes and tendencies.

I think that we raise boys in the wrong way, but later on in their lives we want to see them as different men who care and love.

My advice to young men who feel under pressure to rape, is to surround yourselves with good friends.

Learn to talk to someone about what is going on inside.

For with this, one can teach the young men to have other means of solving conflict.

And above all, to grow up respecting girls.

Dumisani Rebombo is a community development worker and public speaker, working for the Olive Leaf Foundation, in Johannesburg.