Callanish Standing Stones, Isle of Lewis, Scotland

I went to the Isle of Lewis off the NW coast of Scotland to see the standing stones at Callanish. There are many standing stone sites around the UK, and the ones at Callanish are the best example in Scotland. Getting to the island is an all day journey from Edinburgh: train ride for Inverness (3+ hours), bus ride to Ullapool (1.5 hours), ferry ride to Stornoway on Lewis (3+ hours), local bus 30 minutes to the stones.

The standing stones are massive slabs of Lewisian Gneiss and stand above ground over 1 meter tall. They are buried in the ground and stand totally upright. Thought to have been erected about 5,000 years ago, the archeologists haven't quite figured out for what purpose they were created for. They do know that the function likely changed over the years for different generations or groups of people.

The reason I wanted to see them was spiritual, I felt there was a strong spiritual connection with them, and wanted to experience their energy.

The main stone circle at Callanish is more than a circle, it has two "arms" going off the sides, and two rows off another side, and off the "top" another arm. Some have thought it resembles a Celtic cross, though that would be much later than the original circle if that is the case.

We got to the stones early in the morning before other visitors and had the stones to ourselves for awhile. The energy was very old and powerful and felt very connected to the Earth. They are on the top of a mound, providing a great view of the lochs (lakes), farmland, and hills around.

On a practical level, its amazing to think how people 5,000 years ago could have managed to move these huge slabs of rock into place and secure them....

We also went to Callanish II and III, smaller circles nearby. Also very cool, though the energy didn't feel as powerful, but definitely connected to the other sites nearby. So glad to have made the journey....

Food in Edinburgh

I love food, and love to see how people living in different places eat and what they eat. From what I have heard fish and chips is a popular food dish across the UK, and Edinburgh is no exception. There are loads of fish and chips shops. What I find interesting is that a lot of these shops also sell baked potatoes with fillings (that isn't surprising), and also pizza and kebabs. Three different cultural foods in one simple, usually take-away shop. Since I'm vegan and gluten-free and feel horrible if I stray much from that diet, I haven't tried the kebabs and pizzas. I have eaten a lot of baked potatoes with baked beans and chips as well.

In the States these potatoe things are called French Fries (or if you are really stupid and ignorant "Freedom Fries") and these fries are usually long, thin and crispy. Here they are called chips and are a bit fatter than fries and softer in the middle.

While in South Africa last year I fell in love with wedges, which are thicker and sometimes has the potato skin still on it. In my favorite place to get wedges, Nandos, they had peri peri wedges... mmmmm. wedges with a spicy topping. Goodness I loved those. The first time I saw there was a Nandos here in Edinburgh I got so excited that I might be able to get periperi wedges again! So I went in there with Jared and his brother but no wedges! :( Determined to still get that taste I loved, I got periperi chips. But also not the same. It was British style chips (soft in the middle), and the periperi seasoning, although very similar, the whole thing just wasn't the same. I know that over the least year I have probably built up periperi wedges... oh well. I'm glad I tired them here anyway.

Eating out is horribly expensive in Edinburgh, at least thinking of the prices in US Dollars. So we have been seeking out the cheap deals and carry aways and just cooking at home. Sad since there are so many Indian restaurants here and I've heard the Indian food here is pretty good. But I'm not complaining, (am I?) ok, so I'll stop complaining and be very grateful that I am travelling at all!

In Edinburgh, Scotland

I've been in Edinburgh, Scotland for a few days now. I don't usually get jet lag, but this time I have and for the first few days I just slept a lot, had a really hard time getting out of bed, even though I'm in a new country!

When I left the northwest of the USA, we had been having beautiful, sunny warm weather. I knew Scotland was going to be colder and rainy, so I cleaned and waterproofed my winter and rainwear. Burr, have I needed it! It hasn't rained while I've been out and about, but it sure has gotten very chilly.

I've been so amazed at how old building and streets are here. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, there weren't very many older buildings, and since most of the buildings are made of wood, old ones have burned down or rotted over the years. Here, old buildings were made out of solid rock, often over a foot thick, and so there are a lot of really really old buildings here. Many from the 1800s (these are newer), and a few churches from the 1600s and even a few buildings that are even older. Its so amazing to walk along the streets and imagine how people have been walking the same way, going about their life in the exact same spot for centuries!

There is so much to see here, but so far some of my favorite places have been the old cemeteries, because they have trees! Another great place in Princes Street Garden, which also has trees. I haven't made it over to the Botanical Garden yet, which will have more trees too. Planting trees along buildings and roads was something that didn't happen in medieval Edinburgh, it doesn't happen now, at least not in the city center.

We were in an old hall today for a fair and afterwards, I was looking at a ballroom in the building that had these amazing chandeliers. A workman came in and I asked him when the building was build, 1887 he said, and the decorations along the trim and the chandeliers were all original, made from crystal. So amazing. He turned them on for us and pointed to a smaller one in the window that reflected colors, saying it was from a different kind of crystal.

Edinburgh is a very easy city to be in, the city center is compact, great for walking around, the bus system is great, and it's pretty safe. The people are pretty friendly, although some of my smiles are met with blank looks. Jared, who is Scottish tells me if I smile AND say hi, people will then smile back.

This is my first time to the UK or Europe and its very interesting all the similarities to South Africa (former British colony). The supermarkets are set up similar and the road signs are very similar. Kind of weird.

I'm working on my Scottish accent, there are many different kinds, perhaps by the time I get back to the States, I'll sound Scottish!

Train ride from Cape Town to Johannesburg

Our flight back to the United States was out of Johannesburg. We had several options to get to Joburg. The bus: 18 hours of sitting and very little sleep, flying: expensive and we had too much luggage, renting a car: too expensive, or the train: 26 hours with little beds. So we took the train.

There are three options of taking the train. The uber luxurious Blue Train or Rovos Rail, the Premier Classe train that is luxurious but not uber luxurious, or the Shosholoza meyl. The standard train. We took the standard train. In this train there are compartments for either 4 people, or 2 people which they call a coupe. I looked up what coupe meant, and it means something like half. Which is what these tiny boxes are. They would be quite spacious if on had no luggage. But considering Jared and I had so much luggage we couldn't carry it all ourselves, it was a bit cramped.

It was somewhat dramatic getting all situated on the train. Our last morning in CT before the train at 12:30 we had two clients come over, one who wanted to have coffee with us, and another for a last crash session before we left the country. Fortunately we had all our stuff packed, which was the result of days, and I mean days, of sorting, mailing stuff to the states and weighing our bags (the airlines are VERY strict about the weight of luggage).

The taxi was 30 minutes late, the driver wouldn't help us load the luggage into the taxi, when we got to the station, we couldn't find a cart to put our luggage on to take to the train...after waiting and panicking we finally got one. We got to the train, found our coupe, and it was all wet inside! Cape Town's weather was giving us a rainy farewell which dripped and seeped into the coupe. So we got another one.

We were so relieved when everything was put away and the train was leaving CT, that we celebrated by drinking cider.

Come night time, an attendant came with bedding and asked which end I wanted my head at. He recommended towards the middle of the train, because of the train tipped to the other side I'd fall on my head. If the train tipped to the other side, he said the passageway on the other side of the coupe would help my head from being crushed. The bedding was a nice mix of blankets, pillows and sheets. I slept well though Jared was cold.

It was a pleasant ride, we slept, read, and ate. It was so nice to be able to walk around the train and stretch my legs which I couldn't have done on the bus.

The second day I was wondering how long I could enjoy the ride before I started feeling cramped. Soon after that I started feeling cramped. I think the tower of luggage in front of me had something to do with that.

We got to Jozi only 40 minutes late which apparently is a record as we heard the train is often hours late. Humm... sounds like Amtrak on the states.

I would definitely take the train again, and do so with less luggage. Maybe next time we'll have enough money for some luxury.

Less than two Weeks Left....

Less than two weeks from now I'll be in a plane somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean headed back to the States. My year in South Africa has nearly come to a close. It has both gone fast, and yet arriving in Johannesburg, South Africa a year ago seems like another lifetime.

I feel mixed about leaving. I like it here a lot and I will miss it. Just in the last few months has it felt that I really live here. I love being near the ocean, seeing it from my window, I love being so close to a gorgeous mountain like Table Mountain. I love that its nearly summer now and its warm, the sun is shining, the flowers are in bloom, and birds are singing at 5am. I love the people we have met.

This year has been a lot of learning for both Jared and I. We have learned a lot about ourselves, each other and about how people work. I have learned that sometimes its best to just leave a bad situation (like the one we arrived into here) and other times to just accept, stay grounded in myself and have my own boundaries. To let people do what they do even if I don't think its useful or even if its self-destructive. They have their own path and they have to decide for themselves. I have learned to be as unattached as I can from wanting a certain outcome. To love people, provide what help and support I can, to not blame myself when they still do the same self-destructive patterns, and to be there for them when they come back.

This has been one of the biggest lessons and challenges of working with street youth and former street youth. I can't save them. I knew I couldn't. But I think part of me tried and still keeps trying. They are beautiful people with incredible talent, some with great passion but they still have to choose for themselves to make a different life. I can't make that choice for them.

There was one youth in particular I feel sad about. Perhaps its because he is the same age as me, and also that he suffers from depression, something I had for many many years. He is an amazing artist, such beautiful talent. He grew up on the streets, his mom lived on the streets. He's been in and out of prison, once for murder. He has gang tattoos on his body and has trouble sleeping at night because of what he experienced in prison. Lately he has been tormented by so many of his friends and family (including his mom) that still sleep on the streets. He had a temporary job lined up for him, someone willing to give him a second chance after he screwed up last time. A job that may have been a foot into something longer term. But he didn't bother showing up for it. Then he started sleeping on the streets again as some kind of test for himself. Then he stole from the project...

He has so much potential, but he has to make the choice. He has to make the choice over and over again. He has to make the choice to stay focused on what he wants in his life. To choose to get the support he needs, to surround himself with people who care and who will guide him. But he isn't making that choice at the moment, instead his is choosing to fall back on old behaviors and patterns. At any time though he can make a different choice and have a different life. But I recently heard that he has told everyone to fuck off that he wants to die on the streets....


It's taken Jared and I awhile to get ourselves established here, to feel like we really live here with friends. Now that we have that, its hard to leave it. Our plan is to apply for funding to come back next year and continue our work with street youth. To also work with other organizations and other at-risk youth, and to try working with younger kids before they make those critical decisions to use drugs, commit crime.

I've been trying to focus on the positive things about going back to Oregon since that is where I am headed. Of course seeing my family and friends and our spiritual teacher. Also food related stuff: soy lattes, gluten free flours and baked goods, kombucha, tempeh...And the forest...

I am going to miss South Africa and Cape Town a lot, and I hope to be coming back soon.

Picky Landlords

The landlords Jared and I had in Portland, Oregon screwed us out of most of our deposit after we left last year. We spend HOURS cleaning that bloody flat, and it was really clean, but the greedy landlords came up with all sorts of stuff to charge us for so that we got back some measly $20 or so. Sounds like my grandma's husband who told me when he rented places he would never give back the deposits, just come up with stuff to charge his tenets for so he could keep the money.

Here in Cape Town we were renting from a German couple who hired a guy to take care of their flat when they aren't here. So he did the choosing of who to rent it out to and was the go-to guy. We have been really pleased with him as the psuedo landlord.

The German couple came back a month ago so Jared and I moved to another flat for our last 6 weeks just up the road. We in fact look out at our old front door from our current window.

The Germans were quite friendly when they came back and we gave them their keys etc. They even waved the next day when they were leaving their place. But then the waving stopped and I figured something was wrong but wasn't sure what it was.

We got a call from the go-to guy and he came over yesterday. Turns out the Germans are upset about a few things in their flat. The blanket on the sofa was ruined they said, a drawer was missing a handle, there was some burn marks on the floor, a piece of the coffee table veneer was chipped off, the awning was damaged, and here is my favorite: the cushions on the sofa were flat. She asked him what we did with the stuffing. I was tempted to tell him that we sold it since we had heard there was a good black market for cushion stuffing. He agreed that they were being really picky and said it was because they are German (he used to live there).

I agree the blanket was pretty tattered as it was poorly made, and we'd be happy to pay for a new one. All the drawer handles were present and accounted for when we left, never used the awnings but the sun is pretty intense here and damages things quickly that then get blown to bits in the extremely strong winds that blow most the summer. The cushions, well, guess we sat on our assess too much on the couch.

I don't think they have rented their place out long-term before as all this stuff is normal wear and tear. Maybe they won't again! They spend 3 months a year in South Africa and I don't think they need the money from the rental, so they should just leave it sit if they are going to be so picky.

Goodness, I hope our next landlords are better! Need to own those picky places in myself now...

Car Accident

Coming home from a weekend away this Monday we were in a car accident. We were 5 minutes from our apartment when our friend's car was rear-ended by a pick-up at a backed up traffic light. As we approached the light, she had to slam the brakes to not hit the car in front of us. As we sat there at the light, there was the crunching sound of sheet metal and plastic and a strong jolt and my head slammed back into the headrest. I sat there for a few moments wondering what had happened because I knew we had stopped before hitting the car in front of us.

Fortunately the traffic had started moving at the same time he hit us so that we were not pushed into the car in front of us. No one was seriously injured, there was no blood. I was so shocked I don't know if I would have been able to use my first aid training. I remained quite shaken up for the next few hours as we waited for everything to be sorted out at the accident site, details to be exchanged, then to the police station where I waited in the car to make sure no one stole from the broken boot. I only started to come back into my body when were we at the car repair shop.

I believe that everything, or nearly everything has meaning, a message. Being rear-ended in a car seems to be about either taking my power or be powerfully pushed from behind. It also seems to be about moving forward. That I am not moving forward enough in my life and so am getting the message it's time to move forward, take action, be powerfully who I am and go for what I want.

I also find it very curious the conversation that had happened in the car. Our friend that was driving is going through a lot in her life: divorce, new relationship that isn't working, health problems. So nearly the entire car ride had been talking about what she is going through and the energy was quite frenetic and ungrounded.

Just before we were rear-ended I was talking about Jared and I's spiritual teacher in Oregon, USA. At the moment of the crash, I was saying how his weekly groups are quite confrontational and people accept that when being a part of it. Humm....another message perhaps?

I have found the accident to be more emotionally jarring than physical, though my neck was quite sore. Our friend's back and neck, which causes her discomfort already, went into spasms and she had to go to the doctor and get an injection for it.

But, we are very lucky, no one was seriously hurt, both drivers have insurance, the guy who hit us was very helpful and concerned. If we had been listening more intently, we would have heard the universe giving us these messages without being in a car accident, but I'm glad I was listening enough that it wasn't worse.

Zimbabwe Refugee

A few weeks ago I first met a Zimbabwe refugee living on the streets of Cape Town. He seemed a gentle guy who was so shut down emotionally his eyes were nearly blank. He had arrived in Cape Town a month earlier from Johannesburg and has been living on the streets mostly near Sea Point. One night he was beat up and all his stuff was stolen including his Zimbabwe ID. He felt pretty hopeless about his future.

Growing up in Zimbabwe his parents were gold panners, his Dad died when he was 8, his mom left two years later and so he stayed in an orphanage in the village. He went to school but there was abuse (physically and I think sexually) from his sponsors. When the economic crisis hit Zim he couldn't afford to keep going to school once they started charging fees in foreign currency. He worked odd jobs when he could get them and eventually met a South African who told him to go to South Africa where he could easily get a job and make a life for himself (this isn't true though, unemployment is quite high in South Africa). He tried to apply for a passport but it cost $600. That is A LOT of money, which he couldn't afford.

Meeting a trucker in Zimbabwe he smuggled himself across the border by hiding in the sleeping quarters of the truck and crossing the boarder at night. He didn't like Johannesburg so his friend paid his train ticket to Cape Town.

Like nearly everyone I've met who've been on the streets here, he has a lot of anger about his past, he dwells on questions like: why didn't his extended family help him finish school? Why did his dad die when he was so young? Why did his mother leave him? When his sponsor died, why didn't the sponsor's family help him?

He is willing to do any kind of work and has dreams of having his own place and a family. He is currently trying to get papers from the Department of Home Affairs so he can be in the country legally.

He has some hope for the future now and his eyes are beginning to have a glint in them; he'll even cracks some jokes. He isn't on the street anymore and has a support network through the various organizations that work with street people and refugees.

Wonderful weekend and African Hospitality

Jared and I just had the most lovely weekend away. A hiking group we joined went to the Kogelberg Nature Reserve in the southern cape, which is a world heritage site. We stayed in these cabins, simple but quite comfortable surrounded by immense beauty. Mountains, a river, a valley, small patches of forest tucked into kloofs (steep ravines)....it was gorgeous.

The hiking group is geared toward people interested in spirituality and intuition so the people who come are interested in things like yoga, healing modalities, etc.

I had such a lovely time I didn't want to come back.

In our cabin of 6 we were staying with a group of 4 friends who have known each other for years. One was an American who has been in South Africa for 30 years but somehow still maintained her American accent, then there was an Afrikaans woman and a couple who are both hairdressers who I think were both English-speaking as their first language. They were pretty funny.

I have met Afrikaans people who were very hospitable to me, but who were also very racist. This woman was so great, she was one of those progressive Afrikaaners who I haven't met very many of. She teaches yoga and is very passionate about it and is also quite good at it. She gave Jared and I a ride home and we stopped at this lovely hidden beach to watch the sun set with some others from the trip. Since it was getting late, she took us home with her to this lovely house built by an architect who loved Tuscan style houses.

We took her yoga class in the morning and played with her 1 year old grandson. Its a bit of a story of this little boy. His mother was 21 and had broken up with her boyfriend but they were still seeing each other and she became pregnant. The ex was riding his motorcycle to see her and got in an accident and became paralyzed and was in a coma for several months. She didn't know she was pregnant for months and being traumatized tried to comfort herself with alcohol. The father was 22 and hasn't coped well with being paralyzed and has become quite nasty. The little boy doesn't like to be with his father very much, but they are trying to work it out. Both the mother and her little son stay with the woman who gave us a ride and she is looking after them. The boy's mother is still in school training to be a teacher.

After the little kid got used to us, he liked us. Despite what he has experienced emotionally, he is a sweet, intelligent kid.

It was such a great weekend in a wonderfully beautiful place and with wonderful people.

Vegan Gluten-Free Cornmeal Banana Muffins!

I made vegan gluten-free cornmeal banana muffins last night. Yum yum! I used a recipe from Karina's Kitchen http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/2009/07/blueberry-corn-muffins.html and substituted the bananas for blueberries.

They turned out fantastic! Easy to make too. I even controlled myself and waited at least 5 minutes before shoving one into my mouth. I'm usually so eager to eat baked goods I don't wait for them to cool down at all before eating one. But this time, I actually followed the instructions and waited 5 minutes for them to cool in the pain before taking them out of the pan. Then I ate one. Mmmmm...warm baked goodness. I even ate it slowly to make sure I savored the taste.

I really love baking and cooking. Before the muffins I made a soup with sweet potatoes. Its from an East African cookbook I have, and I added some beans I had cooked earlier in the day. It was a great combination of flavor... sweetness from the potatoes and tomatoes with the spice of cardamon, cumin and coriander. And a slight coloring from the turmeric. Mmmm..... yum yum!!

Hope and Spirit

There was something I didn't mention in my last post about working with women in the township and street kids. Its so important too! There is such a strong spirit in people here. In both the women and in the kids who have experienced a lot of hardship they have hope. Hope that not only things will get better, but hope in their situation. The people we have worked with are also easy to smile. Its very refreshing.

Volunteering in a township and with street kids

Jared and I have been volunteering with two projects for awhile now, Work for Love and MyLife. Work for Love operates in a township outside Cape Town called Masiphlumelele and offers a wellness healing clinic each week. The clinic offers massage, homeopathy, tarot card readings, shiatsu and energy work and hypnosis. It's free of charge and mostly used by women in the township. Jared and I have been doing mini-sessions with them doing energy work and hypnosis with coaching. Jared has a background in counseling and therapy which has helped out a lot as the women have told us all about their problems and asked advice. There are social workers available to these women, but I don't know to what extent to how easily they are to get to.

One young woman came to us a few weeks ago and she has a young son. She came to Cape Town on her own, her family is all in the Eastern Cape in a rural area and so she doesn't have support in how to raise a child. The consequence has been that she doesn't know what to do with her son who is acting out since his father left and isn't interested in being a part of his life (a very common thing here). Her son hits her and screams and beats up other kids. Out of frustration she then beats her son (also a common thing). But if she learned some parenting skills and how to deal with her son's anger it would be a lot easier on both her and her son. Being away from her family though, she doesn't appear to have that support though.

Most of the women worry a lot. Some have a hard time sleeping at night due to worry. They worry about being unemployed, their partners being unemployed, bills, getting enough food to eat. So we help them ground and connect to themselves more and give them some suggestions in dealing with their worry through energy work and hypnosis.

Another project we've been involved with is with street kids in town through MyLife. They are mostly 18+. We have been doing healing with some of them to help deal with past trauma, and man do these kids have a lot of trauma. Some grew up orphans on the streets, addicted to tic (meth), mandrax or alcohol, have been in gangs, killed or raped people, been in and out of jail for theft, murder, attempted murder, been abused themselves and had violence directed at them. They have a lot of regret, guilt, shame, anger, and sadness. They also have a lot of potential. This project has helped several former street kids become chefs, sommeliers, and get jobs in the film industry among others. Their vision is to build an eco-village where street kids go to be rehabilitated and trained in life skills and as leaders.

Working with these kids and adults has been really great. Not having had a lot of different therapies they are more open to what we have to offer. They are also very eager to move on in their lives and this makes a big difference.

What has been amazing working in the township and with the street kids is to see that no matter what someone's past has been, or what their cultural upbringing is, is that they struggle with the same issues that privileged people both from South Africa and the western world struggle with (in our experience). It's all the same. It seems that everyone has the same issues no matter where they have been. Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are and to live a purposeful life. And everyone struggles with guilt, shame, rage and sadness from their past.

We are so blessed to be in South Africa at this pivotal turning point in its history. This country has such potential and is attracting people from around the world to help in the shift. How cool to be a part of it.

Don't Eat the Cake

I've been vegan for 10 years and gluten-free for 3 or 4 months. I realized that gluten and wheat was causing me to feel very tired and bloated. Not good to look preggers and not good to have so much inflammation in the body. I've felt really good being off gluten (we can eat oats though), but I miss baked goods. I love baked goods. One summer I worked in Moscow, Idaho in the USA and they have a fantastic co-op there with a great baked goods section. That summer I spent a lot of my wages on baked goods and gained weight even though I was walking in the woods every day. I love those crusty breads with the soft middles, flaky scones, warm muffins, cookies and cake. Ahh I love cake. I have found a recipe for gluten-free cake that is pretty good. When I made it for Jared's birthday and ate massive amounts of cake in the following days I didn't gain any weight and my stomach didn't distend as it usually does after baked goods. Ah ha! This is pretty good I thought... I can eat a lot of cake and not show for it!

Several days ago on Sunday I went hiking with a group of people and afterwards we went to a coffee shop that has a Sunday special of tea and cake for R20. A very good deal. The coffee/tea is usually R10 and cake can range from R15-25. These were decadent cakes too, “American” style cheesecake, black forest, chocolate mouse... I wasn't even tempted because they weren't vegan and I don't like the taste of cream, eggs, or milk anymore. It's more than an ethical thing, I really don't like the taste. But I said to myself, if these cakes were vegan, even if they have wheat I would totally eat them.

If it were only that easy to manifest everything like this. Two days later, we went to a great Indian restaurant in Rondebosch, Cape Town and there were two vegan cakes. We've been to this place before, a simple no-frills cafe that does a lot of take-aways. Its all vegetarian and the lady told us today she is moving more and more toward vegan (Great!). After questioning her several times about the cake to make sure it was really vegan we got some.

That night we sat at home, having eaten the cake and drank some tea and waited to see what would happen. We were so tired anyway from a long day its was hard to say. We both felt a bit fuzzy in the head..but knew if we got bloated that would be pretty definitive.

The next morning my excema flared up. I've long heard that wheat exacerbates excema. Itchy itchy scratchy scratchy. A few days later and I'm still trying to calm it down. After I went to bed that night Jared said he could definitely feel the effects of the wheat. In the following days we both felt bloated and Jared felt tired.

Was the cake worth it? It wasn't as good as Sweet Pea Bakery in Portland, or A Piece of Cake in Sellwood, Portland (my favorite!), or that bakery in Eugene that has great vegan cakes, but it was good... at the time. The fallout though just isn't worth it. It's not good to eat something my body reacts so strongly to.

Rape in South Africa

South Africa has a high rate of rape. This article from the BBC is a good explanation of one of the reasons why.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8115219.stm
25 June 2009

South African rapist: 'Forgive me'

Dumisani Rebombo says peer pressure led him to rape

Dumisani Rebombo and his friend raped a young girl in their village in South Africa when they were teenagers.

Years later, he returned to the same village to find the woman he attacked and begged for her forgiveness.

Mr Rebombo, 49, is one of thousands of men in South Africa who admit to having carried out a sexual assault - one in four, according to a recent survey.

He told BBC News why he feels so many young men in his homeland engage in the ill-treatment of women.

---

When I was 15 years old, I took part in a gang rape.

Before the incident, I was constantly jeered for not being man enough.

At the time I was not ready to have a girlfriend when all my friends did.

I did not tend the cattle or sheep, nor did I attend the initiation school [where South African teenagers are circumcised in traditional rites of passage].

This fuelled my daily jeers.

My friends sang and clapped as if we had done something right Dumisani Rebombo South African rape survey shock

A friend and my cousin pressured me to prove that I was man enough, by taking part in the rape of a teenage girl in the village.

This was termed "straightening her up", since she did not want to go out with any of the local boys.

I succumbed to this daily pressure and on the day of the incident, when they saw me trembling with fear, they ordered me to take marijuana and beer to defeat my fears.

I did just that and the two of us [my friend and I] proceeded to rape the girl.

Guilty and scared

Afterwards, I was terrified.

I felt guilty but also scared that the news could reach my mother who had a high standing in the community.

The following day, when we went for our soccer practice, this incident was reported to all the other football players.

Dumisani Rebombo said he was prepared to face jail

On hearing the news, they sang and clapped as if we had done something right.

This helped to stop the jeering somewhat and I was allowed to associate with the other boys.

I still felt guilty, at least partially so, especially when I saw the girl in the village. Sometimes I tried to avoid meeting her.

But slowly, over time, I began to think less and less about the incident.

I left my village in Limpopo Province and went to live in the city and joined a religious group from which I learned a lot about love and respect for all.

Strangely, I did not think much of the incident - I just went on with my life.

I started work with an NGO (non-governmental organisation) where I mostly worked with unemployed mothers.

Every Monday morning, the women reported incidents of abuse in different forms.

Every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident Dumisani Rebombo

As they did this, I could not help it but give way to introspection.

It was as if every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident.

I then asked my employers to train us in a methodology which would target boys and men.

They did this and very soon, I felt challenged, self-consciously, to set an example to the men I was teaching.

Seeking forgiveness

I took a decision to go back to find the woman I raped.

I realised that the woman needed justice.

But also, I wanted to ask for forgiveness, now that I understood the effects and consequences for someone who has been raped.

South Africa's government has been urged to solve the rape epidemic

I went to my pastor about this. His response was: "You are saved now, you were once in the mud, but now you know the truth and you are therefore OK."

He also asked me if I was ready to go to jail. He said: "What if the woman went to the authorities?"

My answer was: "If I go to jail, that would be justice for that woman."

I therefore took the journey to the north.

I wanted her to know that I felt bad about what I had done to her, that I was a changed man and I was working with other men to prevent rape.

When we met, she showed a wry smile on her face.

Since we were at a public clinic, she thought I was a doctor or someone from the Ministry of Health.

I related my story to her. She looked at me and revealed that she had since been raped on two other occasions.

She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her Dumisani Rebombo

She started crying. She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her.

She told me that her life was never the same emotionally following these incidents.

Worse still, she was not ready to tell her husband of what had happened.

Finally, she said that she forgave me, and thought that I had meant well with all that I had said.

I left that room with a new burden - to do something about rape in my community and my country.

Machismo feelings

If you asked me: "What motivates so many men in South Africa to engage in un-consensual sex?" I would say that it is the machismo feelings and beliefs, coupled with patriarchal processes and tendencies.

I think that we raise boys in the wrong way, but later on in their lives we want to see them as different men who care and love.

My advice to young men who feel under pressure to rape, is to surround yourselves with good friends.

Learn to talk to someone about what is going on inside.

For with this, one can teach the young men to have other means of solving conflict.

And above all, to grow up respecting girls.

Dumisani Rebombo is a community development worker and public speaker, working for the Olive Leaf Foundation, in Johannesburg.

Sea Swells and Big Guns

There is a storm in Cape Town at the moment. It arrived on Monday with downpours, near-gale winds, and big sea swells. We live on the top floor of our apartment building and there isn't any insulation or space between us and the corrugated metal roof so it is quite loud when raining hard and it woke me up this morning with the pounding and blowing. Also, since our building isn't sealed so well, the wind comes in through the cracks and around the windows so the curtains sway back and forth.

A benefit of a storm are the big waves in Table Bay. The swells smash up against the Sea Point Promenade and launch up into the air 20 feet or so. Today Jared and I were walking to Sea Point and stopped at the intersection by Standard Bank to look towards the sea a block away and the big waves there. After watching for a minute or so we crossed the street and as we were walking past the bank I saw the guy in blue crouched by the bank wall holding a very big gun. The biggest barrel I've ever seen very close, I don't know guns at all but it looked like some kind of automatic thing. On the other side of the sidewalk was another guy in blue with his hand on the handle of his gun, which was tucked into his bullet proof vest, his eyes darting around. Both guys were very nervous, understandably so since there are a lot of attacks on armored vehicles when they pick up money from banks and stores. That was these guys' jobs. I've never seen anyone so nervous with a gun before, although I don't hang out with guys and guns and haven't encountered them much.

It was a bit of a shock, from looking at the ocean to looking at the barrel of a big gun and then the nervous guy holding it. I saw a lot of security people today. South Africa has a high crime rate and security personnel are everywhere, but today I really noticed them.

The storm is expected to continue through tomorrow and then the sun should come out again.

It's Not Always Good to Know the Details

A relationship with an apartment can be similar to a romantic relationship with a person. At first it's all goo-goo ga-ga, it's perfect, so lovely and beautiful, the view is amazing, its great to have a table to eat on, several chairs to choose from in which to sit, nothing is wrong with it. You may even feel that you aren't good enough for the place, that somehow you don't deserve it. It's a honeymoon, but soon the smell of sewage, the breeze that flows through even when all the windows and doors are shut, the puddle that forms under the bed when it rains hard, the car that was stolen from the parking lot, the police that came one night when a boyfriend of a tenant was accused of stealing cellphones, the guy down the street in jail for steeling carparts, and now the woman that was murdered next door this week, the one-sided perception ends and you are left with the stark reality that it isn't all positive, there are negatives too. That just like a person in a romantic relationship (any relationship really) there is two sides to this apartment and where it stands.

Becoming chatty with the manager of the building has drawbacks too. We love gossip, but sometimes knowing the gossip doesn't actually have any benefits. We would have found out about the murder anyway since it's in the paper, but not all the other little tidbits that come with managing a building for 11 years.

Like, how several years ago there was a group of Nigerians living in a flat running a drug scheme, or the 11 year old girl that hung out with them until a social worker came for her, or the group of 5 Asian girls living in a flat meant for 2. Or, that over the weekend when the gate wasn't working someone's car was stolen over night. Most buildings in South African cities have gates or walls around them. Our building has gates and a partial wall that allows people to hop over it. Jared and I have often wondered about this and make sure to keep the door locked all the time. The building is old and so is the gate so when it stopped working last week, it was left open over night by someone who couldn't be bothered to manually close it after they drove through. Sucks for the person who woke up to find their locked car gone.

And the murder. The building next to us is a holiday lodge/backpackers. We look down onto their backyard of sorts from our balcony. It's not usually very busy, though in the summer more people came through. Apparently there has been a women working there with her boyfriend for the past 10 months and on Monday it looks like he strangled her during a fight. He claimed she hung herself with a scarf in the bathroom, but when the police arrived she was on the bed and so far he looks pretty guilty so he's been arrested. We don't remember seeing her as our spying was into the back part of the place and the reception is in the front, but it's really sad. She was in her 30s and has, I guess, had, a child. The owner of the lodge is worried about the bad press since people don't generally want to stay somewhere a murder occurred. So bad press for the lodge, a family one member short, and a guy in jail. The paper said her parents drove 20 hours to Cape Town not knowing if it was in fact their daughter that was dead until they identified the body. Horrible.

South Africa unfortunately has a high murder rate...even though several years ago apparently the then president Thabo Mbeki said that South Africa doesn't have a problem with crime, but a perception problem of crime. One of the incredibly dumb things he said.

As of now, we still like our apartment and it's location but definitely have a more balanced view of it after 5 months of living in it.

The Good Food and Wine Show

The Good Food and Wine Show was at the convention center in Cape Town this weekend. At first, I hadn't wanted to go since I'm vegan and currently gluten-free. Gourmet food tends to be meat and dairy centered, with vegetables as either an after-thought or an enhancer, not the centerpiece. But food is a high value for both Jared and I. We eat well and very healthy and spend a fair amount of time in the preparation of food. So we really like food... It's a bit more than that actually, if we aren't preparing food, eating, or cleaning up from cooking, then we are thinking about food.

We decided to go to the show. The show was a cross between cooking demos like the Food Network channel (I always think of my friend Ae-young with cooking demos, the Food Network used to be her favorite TV channel), booths demonstrating nifty cooking tools like at the USA Oregon State Fair, samples, and wine. This being wine country around Cape Town, about 30% of the fair was different vineyards offering wine tastings of their wine. And it was free tastings! I didn't come anywhere near close to sampling them all, knowing when I reached my limit after the fortified wine booth... that red muscadel was so good, followed by the white muscadel, then the port and then the sherry. There is something so smooth about good fortified wine.

I was also delighted to find one organic vineyard that also had a low sulfite content. Apparently, all wines have a certain amount of naturally occurring sulfites that are a result of the fermentation process, but many conventional winemakers add sulfur dioxide as a preservative. According to Organic Wine Company (http://ecowine.com/sulfites) sulfur dioxide has been added to wines for 200 years. This website says many people have a low tolerance for sulfites, Jared is one of these people, so its great to find wine that doesn't have a lot of sulfites.

Cape Town has a big Muslim population so one corner of the fair was dedicated to Halaal booths. We had some veggie curry from one of them, they put the curry into this little metal-looking container and then popped it into the microwave. Jared got really nervous expecting sparks or the micro to blow up, but apparently they are special micro containers, so there was no fireworks. I was reminded of freshman year in college when the guys would put CDs into the microwaves until they cracked and the microwave turned black inside and the room smelt bad. Can't remember why this was supposed to be cool.

We finally left the show once we had been there for 6 hours and they were closing the place down. Yeah food!

Living in Nature

Yesterday while messing around Jared drew me a picture of where he would like to live. He drew a sun, trees (nature), the ocean, a house and a garden with flowers and vegetables. Then he drew some people to hang out with, and a car to drive to the city or other places to meet other people and for work. I was pretty thrilled by this little pictures of stick figures. Jared has always lived in cities and has been more reluctant to spend much time in nature. This has been changing though and now he also enjoys being in nature and out of the city as well.

Living in Cape Town has been my most citified experience of the places I've lived. We live in an apartment on the 6th floor of a building with a little balcony where my native Erica plant lives. Inside I have a handful of other plants, but I've missed having a garden and being closer to nature. I can hear the traffic outside nearly all the time. Walking around involves busy streets and loud cars.

There are definite benefits to where we live though. It's easy to get to town, easy to get to shops, and fairly easy to use the public transport system if I can figure out how to get to where I want to go (of the trains, buses, and minibus taxis it's not coordinated and there are only maps of train routes, its been very frustrating). Another benefit has been the amazing view of Table Bay from our apartment.

But I think overall I'd prefer to live somewhere quieter with a garden where I can grow some of my own food, play with plants, and easily walk into nature.

Going Through the Front Door

A new hotel, the One & Only, recently opened in Cape Town at the V&A Waterfront. Sol Kerzner, born in South Africa but not currently living here, has built luxury hotels around the world and is also involved with gaming (helped develop the huge gambling place Sun City near Jo'burg). He is sometimes called the Donald Trump of South Africa.

The One & Only in Cape Town is his first project in post-apartheid South Africa. We'd been watching it being built from out apartment but didn't know what it was. Just another building with construction cranes surrounding it. Then one day the cranes were gone and there was news that a fancy new hotel was opening and the party was full of celebrities including Sharon Stone and Nelson Mandela.

Stories of this exclusive opening party peppered the media and finally Jared and I decided to check it out the hotel for ourselves. Along the road we usually walk to get to the waterfront there is a driveway going to a BP building and there is also a sign that says deliveries for the One & Only. It was a long way around to the front of the building so we went in this back way. We went past the loading docks with some employees hanging out smoking, but we just acted like we knew where we were going and no one bothered us. We went around the side of the building to the water, a bridge, a water fountain, and the front of other buildings along this part of the waterfront. We stopped and were looking around, when a man in a suit (security people at fancy hotels wear suits) asked us if we were residents, we said, no, we were going to the One & Only and can we get to it this way? He said no, you must go in from the front, this was for residents only. Okay we said and went back the way we came.

Fifteen minutes later we walked through the front door of the hotel. We were dressed pretty casual, but that didn't matter. Since the hotel recently opened there are quite a few people still stopping by to check it out. We went through the lounge area which is also a bar with a huge floor to ceiling window and a view of Table Mountain and Devils Peak. Outside the bar is a patio area with some chairs next to the water and then down to the right a bit is a water fountain and a bridge....ummmm yeah..... this looks familiar. Oh wait, I was just standing in this very spot just 20 minutes ago....

From this spot 20 minutes ago we had been able to see the back area of the hotel and the back entrance to the bar, though we didn't know it...but we hadn't been allowed to go that way....why? Rules probably. But it got us to thinking about back doors and front doors and which way we usually go. I'm not talking about sex here but life. I think we have been trying to go about setting up stuff here by going through the back door instead of walking up to the front, announcing ourselves and claiming our right to walk through that front door. I often feel nervous going into some fancy place, especially dressed as casual as I usually am dressed, but attitude portrays so much, and claiming the right to walk through the front door and go for it is the way to make a difference and to be big in the world.

South Africa's Elections

South Africa held elections this past Wednesday 22 April. Like the governmental system of the UK, people vote for a political party and that parties' presidential candidate becomes the next President of South Africa. It was pretty much a given that Jacob Zuma would become the next President. His party, the African National Congress has had a huge majority since 1994 when South Africa held its first free election and Nelson Mandela became president.

There has been lots and lots and lots of controversy surrounding Jacob Zuma. It has filled the newspapers, and new stations. It is so complicated and goes back years, but what I have been able to piece together is that is has a lot to do with arms deals made in the 1990s when he was deputy president to Thabo Mbeki. Corruption charges were put against him, he said he wanted his day in court to prove himself innocent, then did everything he could to avoid going to court. There was evidence that perhaps Thabo Mbeki and some people around him used their political power to alter the process so that Zuma would be charged. After lots and lots of drama, the charges were dropped two weeks before the election even though the National Prosecuting Authority said there was a very strong case against him but that the way the charges came to be was inappropriate. So it it all over? It may surface again.

In the States, I think this would ruin a political candidate. Even if they were acquitted, unless they were very charismatic (think Bill Clinton) it would basically ruin them. But here in Africa people are more forgiving of this sort of thing. It's a totally different mindset.

Another controversy with Zuma was the rape he was acquitted for awhile back. He had sex with an HIV positive woman, then in order to prevent himself from contracting HIV, he took a shower after having sex. Yes, that is right, TOOK A SHOWER TO PREVENT HIV. Umm....okay. I know this country has had some issues making the connection between HIV and AIDS (Mbeki denied there was a connection for years) but, come on! A well-known political cartoonist, Jonathan Shapiro ever since has drawn Zuma with a shower head attached to his head dripping water.

In fact, Zuma is suing Shapiro for defamation. Shapiro was an anti-apartheid activist and during the apartheid regime drew political satire criticizing their policies. Now that South Africa has a democracy, he criticizes those in power now. This is a political satirists job. Nelson Mandela understood this and didn't take it personally, but Zuma is different, he is more juvenile than Mandela.

In any case, he will now be South Africa's president. It's hard to say what changes there will be if any. People are frustrated with crime, inadequate housing, lack of jobs, and poor education. They were promised lots and lots of stuff in 1994 like free houses for everyone. Some people believed everyone would be given a bank account and washing machines would fall from the sky. This hasn't all happened of course. While some people have gotten free government houses, others have been on waiting lists for over 10 years.

The election went smoothly, just a few glitches with running out of papers and long long lines. A handful of election officials were arrested when found trying to stuff the ballot boxes, but there was no violence that I heard of. Zuma started celebrating before the announcement was made that he will be the next President. I read in the paper today he could possibly hold the most expensive inauguration in South African history.